Episode 14

From Injured to Idle

January 14

This song, like many others I use, came from the Rise of the Triad soundtrack. It is called “Oww.” I found the title appealing at the moment. I need to stop hurting myself. It is annoying. I’m rather tired of pain. I know the sensation has a practical use of informing us to critical damage to our person, but I think it should be more easily controlled mentally. Yes brain, I know, I smacked my hand into the corner of the desk. I see the bruise. Get over it.

Or maybe I should get more sleep, as to improve my grace. I’ve spent most of today bumbling about and walking into things that should best not be walked into. I’m going to bed at a reasonable hour, but I am waking up at very unreasonable ones, for reasons beyond my comprehension. Once again, ability to control self is lost.

I guess physical frustration’s still easier to assuage than mental, and a hell of a lot more temporary than emotional.

Mental pain…Class. Class is going to be tricky. I’m up to the challenge, but not the workload. That’s the glory of math-type classes, short spurts of hard problems. This contrasts writing-based classes, which are large amounts of reading and papers. Both are equally hard, but it’s a tradeoff of time I guess.

I feel too static. I think I need to be accomplishing things. Big things. I could if I just had the guts to start putting some of my brilliant ideas into action. A brilliant idea without proper implementation winds up in the same place as a dumb one (only it just gets there a little quicker).

All I need is a plan. Maybe a crew as well, those never hurt. And resources, I need resources to get anyway: talent, capital, whatever is needed. And while I’m making a wish list … well … that’s a given. No need to name it.

Everybody needs a hand to hold every once and a while.

Fact is, I’ve been resting for a long time, and it’s been good. But now it’s time to find balance between taking breaks, fulfilling my duties, and accomplishing personal victories. Man this is gonna be hard.