Episode 17

"Bingo Fuel"

January 30

Tired. I am very tired. Small amounts of fatigue caused by the constant stream of early mornings have begun to compound. Focus has been fleeting. Energy drains fast and quickly. Appetite has been low. Early mornings. Too many early mornings, too little passion. Passion, yes. We require emotion to fuel ambition, and ambition to manifest action. Action, yes. Need to find something worth acting on, something worth ambitious endeavor, something worth summoning passion.

Cold outside, but skin has adapted. Cold is the awakening. Fatigue and pain cannot coexist.

The answer to my stagnation must be a strong internal force. Acceleration is required, momentum must be injected. Draw from the hat, love or hate. Only the strongest shall move me. And anger is so much more bountiful in this life than love is. Aggression can spew forth as if from a bottomless well; love requires ingredients, timing, impossible perfection of status.

Only by tapping into the darkness can I awaken to behold the light.

Early mornings. Tired.