Episode 6


October 10

So why did I wind up spending another Friday evening alone?

Originally my social growth here started on a quivering foot. I knew nobody. No-Bo-Dy. I didn’t have any friends of friends, old acquaintances, or long-lost relatives to turn to. No one to call for a favor. I only had the meager connections I could forge on my own.

But now, it’s been a month.

I feel ready to self destruct in a fit of ennui. I keep looking for somebody or something to blame. Besides me, that is. Socially inept? No really? Who’da thunk it?

“against my will I stand beside my own reflection.”

I always knew deep down there was something broken in me. I’ve gotta stop running from my own shadow. Turns out it can keep up well in the footrace. I’ve got to look into this mirror, one last time. I’ve got to see myself from another angle, an objective perspective. But I fear to hear what seems too clear, that I’m my own worst enemy here.

In my head I keep asking myself two questions: “Am I evil?” “Am I insane?” In all honesty, as interesting as it would be, I must confess am I indeed not evil. I still have a shred of good intention left in me. But insanity? Now, I understand the greater part of those among you who know me probably never saw that one coming. Thanks to a perfectly frame ego and a pleasant, calm exterior, I seem a pillar of stability. Well thank you for the flattery, I play a good role don’t I. What kind of a sane man would question his own sanity?

Or is it the other way around. Come on Heller, which catch was it? No sane man would willingly go into battle. Therefor, in protesting and questioning your own sanity, you actually wind up proving it. Quite an impressive catch, indeed.

“must consume, or oblivion will take us. Adun save me…darkness overpowering…”

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