Day 12

Survival of the Fittest

May 27

I canít believe it. Time is almost up. Already I can feel the displacement; my mind is searching for something to worry about, something to stress over, or something to hurt it. But I canít find anything. Everything is done, itís all out of my hands and itís a feeling that I canít put into words.

Of course there is the usual fear of the future, suppressed as it is. Whatís coming next? How am I gonna spend my time? Who am I going to see this coming summer? More importantly, who am I never going to see again?

Now thatís frightening. For somebody whoís been running from people his whole life, I sure am afraid to leave some of them behind. A lot of relations are exactly where they should be, and parting will be bitter but acceptable. A few of them, however, Iím still not ready to let go. I have things that people need to hear. My guess is theyíll all be having some very interesting conversations in the near future. Iíve got to get some gall and say what I need to, before itís too late. Thereís no opportunity left, and I wonít waste my last chance.

My god I have so many ideas flying in and out of my head that I donít know where to put them all. Iíve been testing and writing and examining up until the last three days of my high school career, and now all the finality, all the resolution, all the conclusiveness of it all has finally come and hit my like a claw hammer to the groin. Is this really the end?

No. Lifeís still going to go on. ďNothing changes on new years day.Ē Thatís old U2, before they sucked. And they were right, the environment is going to be different but this is all just another step in our lives, another chapter to turn past to get to the happy ending we all secretly (and fearfully) hope is coming.

For the past few years I always thought that my spirit could not go on while Iím in school. But without school, what will happen to it? Sure thereís college still but we know thatís not the same. Itís a whole New World out there and weíre not gonna have our mommies and teachers dragging us along anymore. Weíre going to have to adapt to survive, and that is one thing that Iím sure I can do. Iím flexible, resilient. Wouldnít have won all those Starcraft games if I werenít.