Day 6


April 23

ďWe have grown but there is still much to be doneÖfor it is the dawning of a new day.Ē JC Denton, Deus Ex

I am enduring trials but Iíll be okay. What doesnít kill you just makes you stronger. Iíll be okay but this is something Iíve got to get through, like it or not, easy or harsh. Iíll learn my lessons this time and maybe next time when the same stresses and challenges come to pass, Iíll have the right judgementÖ

No, to hell with that. Yeah, my judgement was fine, is fine. Maybe next time, when the same challenges come, my fortune will be better and all this will be worth it, because I survived. Iím a Morse. Weíre survivors. I have longevity in my blood and by the stars Iím gonna make it good. I have to lose the concept of present and keep my eyes on what Iíll gain in the future and how Iíll learn from my past. There must be balance. Joy cannot exist without pain. I must believe that someday dreams can come true, and now it will be all the sweeter.

My past. How it still haunts me. It was years ago and I still canít forgive them completely for what they did to me, what they put me through. But I have chanced myself since that time. Iím not a weak naÔve little child fighting and fearing the world anymore. I guess thatís why Iíve been working out so much, and why Iíve never been stronger than this before in my life. I am distancing myself from my past weakness, the frailty that kept me from standing strong. I can do that now, but now I have nobody to fight. Ironic, no?

The year is coming to a close in a matter of weeks. My high school career, my grade school experiences, all closing. But now is not the time for recollection. I donít have the will to look back on things impartially yet. A little closer, and Iíll be able to put it all in perspective. But not now. Thereís still plenty of troubles ahead, and plenty of pleasant surprises that can come out of nowhere (they have to now, the expectable ones have been expended). I lump of money came out of nowhere, and now I have a renewable grant for about ĺ of Boston Universityís tuition. My future is losing its nerve-wrecking fluidity. FutureÖkeep your eyes on the future. Can you forget yourself like that. Iíll forget my troubles because they arenít real. Just like you. Real as you are old friend