Day 9

I am tainted. I cannot see the world in quite the right light no matter how clear I am, and clarity is only found in the face of struggle. I’ve tried to change my outlook, and have even found a select few victories in the face of misfortune, but something remains…unfulfilled. I can’t be sure what it is I’m waiting for but I have a sinking feeling its something you’ve felt before.

There’s a storm brewing and I’m not sure if I can stop it or want to. I’ve become so much stronger now, riding on the wings of this anger. Now I’m at a new peak of fortitude but my health is faltering. According to Keithism this would signify a fault in my soul somewhere which craves power but is inherently hostile.

I can’t keep blaming my spirits on my surroundings and my recent brushes with Chance. I have defined myself through my struggles. However, this year my struggles have gotten the better of me and now I’m left standing in self-pity. If I erase all that I have to be angry at and just have to look at myself, I find myself lacking.

Something is holding me back. You know what it is. Yeah, I know, but I’ve been in denial. I hoped I could forget it but I can’t. I’ve tried to forgive it but it was only a temporary fix. I need a real victory here, to both satisfy this past AND make this year worthwhile.

I’m going back to the real Keith. I’ve been moping about for months for lack of a real mission to commit to, but no more. Now it’s back to the fighting problem solver; see problem, make a plan and fix it. I’m wrapping my mind around the old thoughts and dreams that I’ve been fabricating for years. I’ll get back to myself and breath the air of decisiveness.

The storm is gathering.