Eternity


Epilogue

??? I was five years old. They left an open circuit board in my basement. I touched it and blacked out. A wall socket produces how many volts now? How likely was I to wake up again? I don稚 know, but before I could dream I was awoken by their voices. Now I think, was I supposed to die?

My fate is lost somewhere in an act of poor bookkeeping. I知 an out-of-sync entity. I知 a spectator. I知 the odd man out. I知 the lost soldier, still fighting after the surrender. I知 never going to die. You hear me? I can稚 be killed. You can稚 destroy me because I知 not even supposed to be here.

It was some sort of arcane disappearing act. Abracadabra Alacazam, then poof, all of the time disappears. I can't say that I feel like I lost the battle, but the thrill of victory certainly eludes me. Whether or not I looked at the sky doesn稚 change the fact that the sun has set in its most beautiful colors and I wasn稚 watching. I was too busy staring at my feet, and watching my fists as they swung wildly at the air.

Don稚 be so pretentious to feel you all won by your own faculties. The will becomes the way only when chance gives us the choice. We are all rolling with the rest of the dice, on a Craps table of six billion ever-hopefuls.

And so this is my role for time immemorial, ad infinitum. But space and time are both curved, you see, so eventually the infinite loops back unto itself and becomes finite once more. That痴 where you値l find me: between forever and never, between the before and the afterwards, in the realm of the half-sleeping, within the gray zone of transition, holding the map but without any clue as to how to read it.

There are only so many ways to break before you池e just a set of crumbs in the gusts. And only once you get there will you know it, when you find yourself at the mercy of zephyrs and walking with the wills of the wind.

It痴 all a cycle (see 13). Everything that happens begets something else. The waking begets the standing, the standing begets the walking, the walking begets the working, the working begets the payment, the payment begets the return, the return begets the sleeping and the sleeping begets the waking again. So much went awry, but I never lost sight of myself. I cannot, must not, will not regret this era. If there is so much as one morsel of good and happiness in my future then all the frustration, all the sleeplessness, all the unrequited love, all the rainy days, and all the overworked hours will be worth it, because they all led to it. If one thing changes, everything changes. I can稚 go back in time, but even if I could I壇 still do it all over again, because I知 still here, and as I stand there will still be Another Tomorrow, and that痴 all that matters.

I won稚 miss you. But I will miss the dream of you. I値l be waiting here forever though, because I can never die. And I知 awake now. It痴 another world out there when you stop and just look at the sky every now and then. It痴sobeautiful