Episode 24

Field of View

March 31

I feel like I’m existing from day to day. I’m doing things I know are bad for me, sometimes just to see if I can. I’m suffering from an odd mix of immediate satisfaction and indefinite procrastination. Stuff either makes me feel good now or goes away. I do not like living like this. I prefer having a greater scope of control of my destiny. But the consistent barrage of work is making it difficult to lift my eyes from my feet, or to consider tomorrow as more than just a bringer of deadlines.

Happy (belated) one month anniversary. “Flying” doesn’t even begin to describe time’s behavior lately. Someday I’ll learn to control it, and for you I’d stretch an instant into forever.

Time is indeed catching up on me. Less than 5 weeks left of freshman year… how? Living at such a rushed pace seems to be distorting our perception. If you live from day to day as I have been doing, you do not have proper appreciation of the good memories being formed or of the good days ahead. Then, time and history abandon you.

I don’t want to live that that. And I don’t have to. I just need to tighten my grip on reality, and focus on the tasks at hand without losing sight of the world within. There is no sin greater than sloth, to remain inert in the face of change. I don’t want to just fade away like so many others.

Time to wake up.